2003-09-24

Mini-break Recap

Toronto was fabulous. I arrived on Sunday a bit early, so we went right to the hotel and checked in and Doug swooped me up and made mad, passionate love to me :) *sigh* This man is the best lover I've ever had my whole life. And OMG did he look fabulous. He's all muscled and slim and solid and his skin was so soft. He's been taking such good care of himself and it showed.

After reaquainting ourselves with each other, we headed off to the CN Tower. I had never been to the top, so we got our tickets and made fun of all the foreigners. Doug would hear them and tell me what he thought they were saying. We went to the very top, stopping first on the 1st observation level to walk on the glass floor. Doug refused to stand on it, but it turns out the whole floor is glass, just 2/3 of it is covered with carpet so as not to freak everyone out! hehe

The next level was the fenced in view and the third level was the open air unobstructed view. It was a beautiful day and we could see all the way to Rochester, NY. After that we walked around until we were hungry.

We ate dinner at Wayne Gretzky's restaurant and Doug met Wayne's dad. He was there promoting something or another and Doug said "Wow, Mr Gretzky so great to meet you!" hehe Mr Gretzkey

After dinner we walked a bit more and enjoyed the cool breezes off the lake and the colored lights of the city. We found a book store and got a couple lattes and did some shopping. Then we headed to a movie... Pirates of the Carabean. Very good film... lots of action and laughs.

Then we walked back to the car, drove around some more to see the lights and then headed back to the hotel for a little more luuuuuuv. hehe

Got up early on Monday and headed to the club to work out. Did cardio for 30 minutes then walked around, had breakfast and went back to the gym for weights. Then we headed to the beaches for some more shopping.

Found a really cool store called Binz. They have containers for everything. What a fabulous store! I bought a new shower curtain for my newly designed bathroom that has pockets in it! It's so cool! Also got some insence and found nothing of interest at the body shop.

Then we stopped and bought some flowers for Doug's mother. She had invited us for dinner, and I always bring her flowers when I visit. Dinner rocked and I got to visit for a few hours with his family. They adore me.

Funny incident upon leaving after dinner. Doug's brother Dave had asked me if I lost weight. I said that I had lost a little bit, and he said "Well that's good, but don't lose those breasts!" hehe Then he hugged me and adjusted himself against me to get maximum press into my chest. It was hysterical. Doug's father said "Wait a minute! I was cheated!" And he came to hug me again. LOL The man is 83! LOL

After dinner we went to see Lost In Translation with Bill Murray. It was fabulous. It was very funny, but was surprisingly a thinking movie. I recommend it. Unfortunately, it reflected my relationship with Doug a little and it got me thinking a bit too much.

Before dinner, Doug's ex had emailed him threatening to raise child support. She did this because she knew I was visiting and she does this every time to ruin the mood. He had been saying that he was stuck and things of that nature and it was really bringing me down. So we talked about her, and how she always drops a bomb any time I visit. He hadn't noticed this before, but we both recognized the pattern when I repeated all the other "bombs" of the past.

We got back to the hotel and we were laying there having some pillow talk (oddly just like in the movie) and he asked me if I had a good time with him. I of course collapse in tears and tell him of course I did. Seeing me cry always makes him cry and then he started as well. I told him that I feel stuck, too. We're both in this situation together and sometimes he acts like he's in it alone which only isolates me even more. I think he's finally getting over himself and seeing past his own self to the big picture.

I told him that I would never ask him to leave his children for me unless I was willing to do the same. And I know in my heart of hearts that I could never leave Aubrey to move away, so how could I ask him to?

In any case, we resolved a lot of issues and we made love again and again. This man gets better every time I see him, but that's because he knows me, and I know him and when I'm with him it's all good.

I'm not sure how he slept, but I had to get up several times to go blow my nose in the bathroom. The tears just kept coming. I hate leaving him behind. I feel like I'm stuck sometimes in a half life. That things aren't real. And that's a dangerous thing for me. Thinking that way has led me to some very large mistakes in the past. I have felt trapped here for a long time. Ever since my divorce. I like Texas, but it's not where I want to be anymore and I'm under the control of Aubrey's father as to where I live and where I go and even the things I do. It sucks.

We walked around Chinatown yesterday morning before my flight and had a great time. Found all kinds of retro clothing stores and watched all the shops with chickens and squid and unknown dead creatures hanging in the windows. LOL Then we drove up to see the castle in the middle of Toronto. Some guy built it for his wife. Doug promised he would take me there next time.

I flew home yesterday and we had another tearful goodbye at the airport. He always tells me to be good, which means "don't cry". But I always do. It starts in the pit of my stomach and spreads like a ball of fire all the way down my arms and legs. It is such a painful thing to leave him.

On the flight home, some old lady died. She had oxygen deprivation and then her heart gave out. We had to stop in St. Louis which delayed my flight for over an hour. I was so emotionally worn out I just wanted to get home.

Aubrey came home and I gave her some presents. Doug got her a book on how to draw things, and I had found some cute beaded necklaces. She loved everything. We went to bed and I called Doug. He had left me messages asking why I was in Saint Louis. hehe So I filled him in said my goodnights and that was the end of my mini-break.

kellbelle at 7:08 p.m.

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