2003-10-15

It's all about me

Bit of an up and down day, really. Chou Chou called me to see if she could stay with me while she sees Duran Duran in concert next month. Sure thing and I wanna go too! hehe She was nearly spastic on the phone from the utter excitement of it all. Poor thing. ;)

VERY disappointed with Douglas. Yes AGAIN I know. I know I know I know. I am not, nor will I ever be a priority... even a pretend one. The man can go almost a week without talking to me, that should tell me something. But it never does really. I keep thinking some day he'll realize how wonderful I really am and that he would do anything not to lose me. I'm so pathetic. And it makes me very sad because I know it won't happen. Fuck it all.

And as much as I love to sing, I'm not liking choir so much. I feel like an unreliable outsider. I don't go because I don't feel like I'm a part of things... and I seem unreliable because I don't go. Stupid viscious circles. The only viscious circles that are good are... well... I'd better not go there. hehe

Damnit I wish someone would tell Doug how great I am and how lucky he is to have me. I wish someone would punch his head in when he hurts me this way. Not that he does it intentionally to hurt me... I'm just not a factor in the importance of the things he does. Yeah.. not saying this for any of YOUR benefit... it's all about me. Shit.

kellbelle at 7:17 p.m.

previous | next