2005-11-30

Beautiful Moments

I've spent a lot of my life thinking I had been wasting it. I felt as though I were merely stumbling my way through things... just trying to find out answers to things I wanted to know, usually coming up with no clear answer to anything and then feeling as though I had failed. Now I see that a lot of people stumble around. I'm beginning to see that I don't need to stumble to find the truths. Standing still you can see so many things... the way the sunglight is filtered through magnificent fall foliage... the music of the birds when the first light of morning comes... the sound of the wind through the trees. There is so much beauty in every day and sometimes, if you're not still, you miss it.

Are we really here to find out answers? Or is it just that we feel like we HAVE to know things? Maybe I'm just getting old, maybe I've experienced a little too much life, but I know now that I can never have all the answers. Maybe I'll get them when I die, but for now I'm finally content to stand still and just feel all the love and the goodness around me.

As much as people can make life sound like it's just awful, there are still strings of beautiful moments. My daughter losing her father has changed her, but watching her play in the snow at Thanksgiving was wonderful. She knows how to let go of the hurt, and I'm so thankful that she's learning that lesson. I hate that she's had to learn it at such a young age, but I thank God that she doesn't squash it down inside and never let it out.

I still worry about her, but it's hard to tell if her moodiness is the age or everything with her dad. She looks sad a lot of the time, she tells me she's just tired. I try not to over analyze anything, but I worry. That's what I do. I need to take a lesson from her and let go.

I practice letting go and letting God, but I have the tendency to take things back! LOL Here God, please take this from me because I can't deal with it, I can't handle it. Oh wait... can I have that back for a second? I'm not over it yet. Yeah... that's me.

Anyway... I'm standing still. I'm not letting the world go by, I'm just letting all the beautiful moments string together faster.

kellbelle at 7:41 a.m.

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