2006-04-07

Such Is Life

The funeral was really beautiful. I learned a lot about Pappa that I didn't know, but really I haven't known him all that long.

When he was a young man living in Chicago, he was an amateur boxer who fought in the Golden Gloves. He played football and had an offer from the Chicago Bears to play ball, but instead he joined the Army.

He was a decorated WW II pilot... he had five medals for honorable service in the Air Force.

He was a poet and well loved by his family, children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, friends, everyone he met. He was a sweet and loving man. He will be missed.

The funeral was with full military honors. The Air Force honor guard was there. They played Taps and did the flag ceremony. It was really touching and beautiful. It was very cathartic as well. There really was a peaceful feeling to it all. I'm glad we went. Aubrey is glad too. She cried, and so did I, but it was almost like the love there overpowered you.

I got snippy with Carl and I wasn't a pleasant traveling companion on the way home. When I'm deep in thought about things... things that I cannot escape from, I need routine to hold me together. The routine is almost my sanity. Well, things were far from routine and Carl didn't understand any of it. He was a bit wishy washy with some decisions ... we were supposed to leave right after the funeral, and I asked him three times if that was the case. He assured me we were going home. So I let my guard down to begin trying to process all the emotions and feelings from the funeral... and then he changed his mind and we went to the house for food. Yes, I was mad and bitchy... but I didn't mean to be. I'm not the kind of person who can just flip an emotion like a lightswitch. I had started thinking of things that I didn't just want to leave hanging... I wanted to cry some things out... and then suddenly I couldn't do that. It was very frustrating. But that's life, isn't it? Yes, I have appologized to Carl and explained why I felt the way I did. Hopefully he gets it.

I got up this morning to catch up on blogs and diaries and stuff and when I signed into Yahoo, I had a message from the Canadian. I swear the man can sense when my emotions are at a low point... when I'm weak. Instead of sending a long reply, I simply said "thanks Doug". He simply wanted to let me know that he still thinks about us (me and Aubs) and that he cares how we're doing. Weird I tell you. And I had just talked to Ms. Moo the other day about how the thought of this guy still makes me cry. Not because I miss him, but I think about all the time and energy (and MONEY!) that I wasted on this guy. Again... such is life.

kellbelle at 8:18 a.m.

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