2005-11-03

The Blahs

There are so many things to do around here and I sit here bored. I can think of at least 10 things I could do, but yet I don't do them. Ugggh.

After moving furniture back into the living room and kitchen yesterday, I was really sore at bedtime and woke up with a very sore shoulder. I did not go to Curves this morning, but I did get my lard ass out of bed and took Aubrey to school. It's nice to be up now that it's so sunny in the mornings. I have the windows open and a hot cup of coffee and even though I don't have my contacts in yet, the world appears bright and beautiful.

I'm getting excited about going back to see my family for Thanksgiving. I can't always take them for long periods of time. I'm just too different. But I love them just the same. I'm kind of scared to see my mom. She's shrinking and getting older and it's so hard to see your parents growing old. Some days I feel too young to be thinking of my parents being gone. But life is what it is. In theory I can totally see death as a natural end to life. People die and they are simply gone from the earth and sometimes it feels like they were never really here.

I struggle with that about Aubrey's dad. The only way I'm certain he was ever here is because I have Aubrey. Oh yeah... and the fights with his family. heh

Even the Canadian is a bit dead to me. It's just easier for me to live sometimes forgetting he's out there. He will, every now and then, contact me from out of the blue. Why I don't know. If he's with someone else and happy he really should have no reason to contact me. But I guess I will always wonder about that guy. I loved him so much and it was such a powerful connection. Yes, he was an abrasive asshole a lot, but when he wasn't ... LOL ... yeah okay I'll quit.

I think I'm going to send Carl some roses today. Because I adore him. It's almost our two year anniversary (on the 14th of Nov) but I think I will send him some today. He might expect it later. heh

Well, that's about all that's rattling through my brain today. You guys have a great day.

kellbelle at 8:20 a.m.

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