2003-03-28

Northern Invasion

D wants to visit. I've already turned down one time. He wants to fly in on a Saturday and leave on a Monday. Normally he would leave on the Tuesday, but apparently he has a 2 hour evening visit with the girls on Tuesday nights. EVERY Tuesday night. I'm a little hurt that he's giving up an entire day with me to see the girls... when he sees them a lot. The last time he saw me was 8 months or so ago. He also wants to drive down with the girls this summer for their vacation. Hmmm not sure about this anymore. I'm dying to see him but not sure how the girls will like Texas and my little house.

It would be nice to feel like #1 even if I'm not really ever gonna be #1. And as Chou-Chou says... that should be my answer right there. And yes... I know what the answer is, but I just can't turn off my feelings. It hurts when he does this stuff.

He also owes me some money. I loaned him some money last year to help him pay his phone bill... because long distances charges to me were kinda high. So I said he can pay me back in time. So this week he tells me he's going to be working lots of extra overtime and that he'll be bringing home extra cash. In the same breath he says he can go out and buy this thing he's really wanted. And I say "you know what... don't tell me stuff like that." I'm pissed because he owes me money and he's out spending it frivolously. He says "Why not? Why shouldn't I tell you?" Grrrrrrrrr I just say "Nevermind" because he can't help it if he's dense sometimes. His mom will make sure he pays me back. His parents love me.

Okay... it's Friday and I really gotta get myself out of this funk. The kiddo goes to her dad's tonight. I think that's it. I always miss her so much when she goes... even if it's only for a few days. As I read in another diary... It Sucks To Be Alone. *sigh*

kellbelle at 10:25 a.m.

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