2003-05-09
Nevous Breakdown Alert
I had a call from my cell phone people the other day.
"M'am did you know that you haven't paid your bill?"
"Well, I've been unemployed for going on two months now. Do you think you could give me an extension? I've never missed a payment."
"Ma'am you really need to pay the minimum amount due. How much are you making right now?"
"Well, I'm unemployed, so..... nothing."
"I see, well do you think you could pay something?"
"I will see what I can do. I can probably pay $100, but I won't know for a few days."
"Thank you ma'am. Are you still at this address?"
"Yes... at least until the mortgage company calls! hahahah"
(she did not think that was funny)
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I went on an interview yesterday. Are people nuts? Just because there's a war going on they think they can rip people off??? This place told me that there is mandatory 50 hours a week and the pay was mid $20's to low $30's!!! Are they fucking nuts?!?!?!?!? If I'm going to work my ass off, which if I were only making mid-20's I would have to have two jobs, I sure wouldn't work 50 hours a week at that pay scale. When would I have time to work the second job? I would have to work 9 hour days during the week, 5 hours on Saturday (every Saturday) and still not have enough money to live on. Nuts! Not to mention having to find childcare on Saturdays. Her father would never agree to watch her every Saturday. He barely wants to take her the two Saturdays a month he's agreed to.
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If I thought I was headed for a nervous breakdown before I was unemployed, I sure feel like I'm about to now. I'm reading this book about identical twins and one of them is a paranoid skitzophrenic. The other brother is "normal" but lives in fear of someday finding out he's a "whacko" like his brother. I don't have any diagnosed whackos in my family, but I'm beginning to wonder if I couldn't be the one. I mean... what the hell is wrong with me? No one wants to date me, no one wants to hire me.. talk about making a person paranoid!
Well, I shouldn't say no one wants to date me. Wishy Washy Guy and I have gone out a few times. So okay... self induced pity party there, sorry. And Mr. Canada wants to visit. He's talking about driving down this summer with his girls for their summer vacation. I told him that's fine. I miss him really bad. He can be an insensitive jerk sometimes, but mostly when he was there in Canada. I think it's a defense mechanism. When we're together things are great. Then he has to go back home. He's afraid to admit that he cares as much as he does, so he tunes out his feelings and mine and just goes on with his life. Makes sense to me. Doesn't make it any easier, but I get it.
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Okay... I guess I'm making up for those weeks I didn't write at all, so I will stop for now. Thanks for reading.
kellbelle at 9:02 a.m.
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