2003-06-03

I miss my baby

The kiddo called in tears last night. She misses me already. I just think she was tired. She called about 10:30 and that's pretty late for her after being up at 7:30 and at VBS all day. She came home and swam for two hours, so I'm sure she was exhausted. She was wanting some "mommy love" but her Aunt Lisa was out working and the house was filled with boys and her Uncle Vic I'm sure wasn't the kind of "Mommy Love" she was looking for. Poor baby. I miss her too, but these breaks are good for both of us.

I've been working on her photo albums and I guess that makes me miss her a little more, but they need to be done. I have put them off for too long and I was reminded why yesterday. I found a million pictures of Doug and the bunch of us together hanging out in Toronto. It made me sad.

Speaking of Doug, I called him just to shoot the shit and a very sleepy woman answered the phone. And he hasn't been online since Thursday night, which means he's avoiding me. I don't know why.... we're not "boyfriend/girlfriend" anymore. Stupid man. I have to write him an email I guess and tell him that I've found someone else as well. Then maybe he won't feel so bad or feel that he has to avoid me.

I knew it was only a matter of time before he slept with someone else again. I know he doesn't love me. And sometimes it only tortures me that he tells me he misses me, or wants to visit me, or whatever else he says to try and be "nice" to me. He only wants to get laid... and he sure as hell doesn't need me for that. I'm 1,100 miles away. He's looking good these days (despite the stupid dye job from brown to blonde). He's working out and his body was hot before... now he's even better. He'll find someone up there and forget about me. Sometims I wish it was sooner than later.

Don't get me wrong. I will always love Doug, but he just isn't will to love me the same. I know he loves me. But I can't do the distance thing anymore. I need someone here that is emotionally and physically available. And I'm not just talking about sex. Everyone needs a hand to hold every now and then. Or a hug. A friend who can come over when you pick up the phone and say you need them.

Anyway, enough rambling about Doug. I have better things to do with my time.

kellbelle at 10:26 a.m.

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