2004-01-06

Pondering Out Loud

Forgot to mention a few things in my previous post.

As I did mention, I went for my yearly visit yesterday. I'm a little anxious for the results. Last year I had some pretty severe dysplasia that they called "pre-cancerous growth". The doctor had mentioned that I might have to have a hysterectomy. I went in for a D&C not knowing if I would wake up "intact" or not. LOL I was fine then, but now it's test time again and he says if it is back, that I should consider having my uterus and cervix removed.

Now, I want another child... pretty badly. And I know Carl wants a child. I have mentioned this fear to Carl, and he has been very supportive. I just don't want to run him off because of either not being able to give him a child, or being too anxious to give him one! LOL I'm just babbling here. Trying to get those insecurities and fears out on "paper" so they're not floating around in my head. Carl and I haven't even been going out for 2 months, but I would marry that man in an instant. This from the woman who doubted she would ever get married again. I can totally see myself with Carl for the rest of my life... something I don't think I have ever envisioned with anyone before. The others I wanted to be with, but because of the differences, I think I never looked past today into the future. Perhaps I was too immature to be thinking about long term back then. Maybe my experiences have taught me enough to know that even though it's important to take care of today that it really is necessary to think about not only tomorrow, but the days to follow.

kellbelle at 10:59 a.m.

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