2004-01-19

Financial Bummer

Just talked with Carl and apparently he's in a little wallet shock. I told him we've been eating out way too much and he's been covering me for things he didn't need to be. He's not used to having a girlfriend. Then he tells me not to call his cell phone before 9:00 to call him at home etc. and I, naturally, do the old Kelly thing and take on all the responsibility for it all myself. I had to think of an excuse to get off the phone because I was starting to cry thinking I'm driving this poor guy to do stuff he really doesn't want to do... thinking that it's me making all these things happen. Thankfully he couldn't tell, or didn't acknowledge that I was emotional.

I know it's not me, but I feel bad. He's spent a lot of money in gas, but I can't very well be going up to Denton all the time because of Aubrey. I guess it's time the distance factor kicks in and now I'll probably only see him on weekends. The emotions are on the selfish side at the moment. And I want to say I'm sorry, but I know he woudln't have done all these things if he didn't want to. He just wants to treat me nice.

Problem is when I get this way, I tend to shut down. And I have been through this enough to know that it's almost like I'm trying to "punish" him for me allowing myself to feel this way. LOL I know that doesn't make any sense to some of you, but those who understand depression I think will know what I mean by that.

I asked if there was any way I could help. He says "we can't eat out so much". I just told him that the other night. He talked about the gas money. I can't come all the way back to Mesquite, pick up Aubrey and then head back to Denton. By the time we got up there, we'd have to leave to get her home to bed. So I guess the only thing I can do is wait to see him on the weekends. I even asked him if he wanted to cancel the weekend to see Chou Chou and he said no way. So I suppose there's a little hope there for me to stay positive about.

kellbelle at 7:53 p.m.

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