2004-05-14

OMG She's waxing philosophical

Stayed home from work today. Woke up with a headlike (like someone hit my head with a board). Migraine, sinus headache, doctor visit, shot in the ass, prescription, much better now thank you.

I think I've pretty much decided that we'll be moving to the apartment and not next door to Carl. While I would be saving money in rent, the school isn't as good as the one near the apartment. Also, there aren't a whole lot of kids in Carl's neighborhood for Aubrey to play with. I think she will feel better about the apartment where we will have more room for our things and it won't be such a drastic change for her. Oh yeah... and the mortgage company is going to foreclose on me, so I have to be out of the house before the middle of June, so yeah I guess that would be the main reason. LOL As you can see, though, I'm okay with it and I think Carl will be too. I plan on talking to him about it tonight.

I think living close together would be either really great or might hurt things. We both have need of having our own space right now and next door might be a little too close for us. I don't know. Perhaps I am just trying to justify things in my own mind so I don't feel bad about not being able to live next door to him. Perhaps I'm just in "self-preservation" mode. Either way, I think both options were valid and healthy. Both options were not "wrong" or "right" for that matter. They were equal and will be equally wonderful no matter if we live right next door or a mile down the road.

Yeah there I go justifying again, sorry!

Spring always seems a time of turbulence for me. My father's death, me losing the house, moving, changing, life seems a big Texas twister right now. Thank God for Carl (and I do daily). He and Aubrey are my focus points when things start to spin. Like a dancer twirling around I snap my head to one of them to keep my focus from spinning out of control. My two favorite people in the whole world. I'm really lucky to have them.

Never lose sight of what is important kids. Keep your eye on that focus point(s). Keep snapping your head around, finding your center and going on. Life is far too short to let the shit of life weigh you down. There are so many good things, so many good people, so much to enjoy around you. Open yourself up to a new world of art, or books or movies and let them take you where you sometimes don't have the money (or energy) to go. Life isn't all shit :)

kellbelle at 4:15 p.m.

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