2004-06-02

Decision Made

Thanks for putting up with my panic attack yesterday and thanks for all the advice via email and notes :)

After driving up there and looking at it (and talking to Carl and a few other people), I have decided to continue moving on into the apartment. I prayed about it on the way over there...not really asking for a sign, but for some guidance. And after talking to Carl, I could see it.

Carl finally voiced his "concern" about us living next door. Mainly he might lose some of his privacy. And I agreed with him. I don't think it would have been from me so much as it might have been from Aubrey.

But my major reason for staying with the plan I have already put in motion was to be true to my daughter. This is all a scary experience for her. We're moving away from all her friends, she'll have to change schools... and I have been telling her how great the apartment will be, that she'll be able to swim at the pool whenever she wants...and she was really excited about it all. It wouldn't have been good to switch the plan after I had used that plan to make her excited about the move.

I packed up my computer at home last night, so my only entries will be from work now and I won't have computer access at home again until I move. I off on Friday so that I can run up to Denton to sign the lease and get things rolling. I will, most likely, take a load of boxes up there as well. I was thinking of taking the stuff from the fridge and as many boxes as I can fit in the back of the Kia. I will probably spend the night with Carl and early Saturday we'll all head down to Mesquite to pick up the truck and get over to the house to get things packed up. That means I only have tonight, tomorrow night and Friday to finish packing. Sometimes it seems like I will never be ready, but maybe that's just a safety device my mind has put in place ... so that I still feel I'm not really losing the home I worked so hard to get.

I was such a wreck last night trying to decide what to do. I know that I have to make choices in life, but I'm not really good at making these major life changing decisions all by myself. Carl kept saying "I don't want to tell you what to do." It's not that I wanted him to tell me what to do, but help guide me, ya know? That's when he finally spoke up about having some questions about his own personal privacy. In all honesty, I did take that into consideration when I originally had to make the choice about which place to live. So to hear him finally "confess" it, well that made me feel a whole lot better about our relationship, because even though he didn't say it out loud I was smart enough to consider it.

Well, I actually made it to work on time today. Aubrey is out of school, so I can leave earlier than I used to. Today she is going to pick blueberries with Jana and some other kids. I'm sure she'll have a great time. Summer was always best just the first couple weeks after school was out.

Have a great day.

kellbelle at 8:26 a.m.

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