2004-09-22

Choices

I have spent quite a few years in therapy. Every therapist I have ever had talks about choices and consequences. Everything we do in our lives is a choice we have made. These choices are not necessarily mistakes unless we "choose" to repeat them.

@aron_Beck, is known as the father of c0gnitive therapy. He is now 80 years old and his theory of c0gnitive therapy revolutionized the way depression is assessed and treated. As most therapists of his day, he started his career under the "sway" of Freud. Under Freudian theory, depression results when a person tries to block what he considers inappropriate anger -- toward a deceased loved one, for example. Instead of a daughter's accepting that her loving mother was in reality a selfish bitch -- that would make her feel too guilty so she blocks that hostility and blames herself for being a bad daugher. This is all unconscious, of course.

So, Beck figured that if Freud was right, all of these thoughts would show up in a depressed person's dreams. So he studied the dreams looking for evidence of inward hostility.

Instead, he found out that his patients' dreams were more a reflection of ther CONSCIOUS thinking. Replicas of how they saw themselves in reality.

Beck got them off the "couch" and started talking to them face to face working with them on their immediate thoughts and problems.

One particular example that really struck me was a talk he had with a young mother.

'What is it that got you really sad today?' And she says, 'Well, I realize what a terrible mother I am. The kids were fighting at the table, throwing things around.' You say, 'Well, I can see how that might upset you. Do you see anywhere else where this happens?' And she says, 'Yes, it happens to my sister and my neighbor.' And you say, 'Well, do you think they're terrible mothers?' And she says, 'No.' You say, 'Is there any other explanation of why kids fight at the table?' And she says, 'Well, I guess all kids fight at the table.'

Perspective. Choices. Consequences. All of this started to make sense to me. Learn to question your beliefs. One exercise I did in therapy I still find helpful today. You write down any negative automatic thoughts that pop in to your head and then you go back and challenge them or provide some kind of evidence at how they could be incorrect. As in the case of the young mother above.

Back to choices. We CHOOSE to feel the way we do about things, but also, we sure can choose to change them and become stronger, better people... or not change them and continue to live in the past and revisit/relive and beat ourselves up over our "mistakes".

Once you learn to live in the "now" there is no need for the past. The past is important, but the past is not defining of the person you are... or the person you can become.

Where did all this come from uh? Hell if I know.

kellbelle at 10:37 a.m.

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