2004-11-07

Feverish Ramblings

What a weekend. I am sick... yes...again! I can't even believe it. All I can say is that I'd better be well by Friday because I have 6 little girls who really want to go camping and I'm not nearly wimpy enough to tell them they can't go because I'm sick. Pour on the healing power people, I need it.

Aubrey went with her dad this weekend. She reported that they did "nothing" all weekend. Carl and I went to see The Incredibles this weekend and it was so great! I loved it. Very witty and comical and visually appealing. It had that old comic book feeling to it.. good vs. evil and all that junk :) I won't spoil it for you.

Today I was in bed nearly all day. I just feel like crap. My throat is scratchy and I'm coughing up junk again. Carl, the ever loving boyfriend, stayed the whole weekend taking care of me :) While I was napping this afternoon, he even went out and got sandwiches :)

We picked up Aubrey tonight (I went in my pj's because of afore mentioned feeling of crap) and she was upset when he left. He didn't hug or kiss her goodbye. This really rips her heart out. You would think he'd know how important that one little thing is to her.

Then she told me that he broke up with the girlfriend from CA. Turns out that she didn't want to move to Texas and he won't move to California...so she dumped him. I feel bad for him. And in a way I feel good for her. hehe He is not the sensitive, caring, affectionate man he appears to be. That man wants all the appearances of "Happy Family Guy" and doesn't want to do any of the work required to attain that goal. Nice on the outside...kinda full of crap on the inside. Not my kind of life.

I feel bad for the guy. I've suffered through probably 10 years of therapy to reach the point I'm at now. Yes it was hard and I went through a lot of bad things, but I'm the happiest I've ever been and I think that I'm truer to myself than I have ever been.

He refuses to look back to see where he has come from and only focuses on where he can go. Honestly, I don't think you can always get where you're going without looking back once and a while to orientate yourself. The past is the past, but it was also something that made me who I am today. I won't ignore it. I have learned to remove all the emotion that I used to associate with it and replace those emotions with a more balanced and stable perception of facts. Once I removed the emotions... which I still struggle with from time to time, I began to see the patterns I had created in my life that, while on one level they were comforting, were destructive.

Gah...this must be the fever talking. Time for me to take some knock out drugs and sleep the feverish dreams of drug induced slumber.

xoxo

kellbelle at 9:01 p.m.

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