2005-12-06

First Christmas Card of the Year

I thought I was finally out of my depressive slump yesterday. The day was really good. I got a lot of things done and had a good time doing them.

I sat down last night with Carl to watch M0nster's B@all and I wasn't ready for it. I wish I'd known more of what it was about. If you haven't seen it, I don't want to blow the movie, but if you have... the scene where the guy is cleaning up the arm chair... it just really hit me in a way I didn't see coming. I had to stop the movie and I just cried and cried.

Today I got my first Christmas card. It was from a man who was like a father to me. He was married to my friend Joyce who passed away March 14. I think I wrote about her... she was my matron of honor when I married my first husband. She was a lifelong friend. Dick wrote about how lonely life has been without Joyce. That got me again. And then I was thinking of my friend Jacqui who died just after my wedding. Such beautiful people who got their wish to be with the Lord. And I know they are looking down on me and that they are happy that my life is so full and so blessed, but I miss them so much. I miss my dad. I even miss Aubrey's dad. And I didn't think that Christmas was going to be this difficult this year. I just had no idea that it would hurt so much. I wish I could just stop feeling this way. Maybe it's time to go talk to a counselor.

kellbelle at 12:04 p.m.

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