2006-07-27

Sometimes It Sucks To Be NIce

Aubrey got a birthday card today from her dad's mom. It was a really nice card and inside a check for $50 and a letter that made Aubrey cry. This is what it said:

"Happy Birthday, Aubrey! Wish I could be there to help you celebrate, but I can't. Sorry we missed connections last weekend. I don't understand why you are pulling away from all your dad's family but I want you to know we all love you very much and hope one day you will see that and let us be a part of your life. I try not to think of the bad things but remember the good things. I get out the many pictures he took of your vacations together and how much he loved you. Please let us be a part of your life. We love you! ~Mimi"

I am so sick of the emotional blackmail it's not even funny. Today the ex's sister took Aubrey shopping for her birthday and they had a great time. She had to come home to that letter. She said "Mom... it doesn't make me want to see Mimi."

So, I wrote the following email to the ex's sister. Please let me know what you guys think.

"Aubrey had a great time with you today. Thanks for that. I was hoping to talk to you for a bit with her not hanging around, but I guess that wasn't going to happen. There were some things I wanted you to know. I don't tell her when she can or can't see you guys. It's always her choice and always her decision. I have always reinforced the importance of keeping in touch with her dad's family. The counselor said that it needs to be her choice and when she is ready, things will again be close to what they were. In regards to your mom, Aubrey is not at all comfortable going there to see her. She knows that she won't be forced to go to the cemetery to see her dad's grave, but she knows it's there and it causes her a lot of anxiety. She also feels that you guys think I'm the one "making" her stay home, but yet she doesn't want to hurt anyone by telling you that she just doesn't want to go down there. She is a pleaser and unfortunately, she doesn't have her own voice yet to be able to tell you guys when she is uncomfortable. Thus I have to be the messenger. I know you feel that she has pulled away a lot, but I don't plan on letting that become a permanent thing. You can see her when you want to, just please ask Mimi to respect Aubrey's wishes and limitations. In Aubrey's card from Mimi was a letter that really got Aubrey upset and she said "this doesn't make me want to see her". Aubrey is just a kid and doesn't understand about consequences, or the love of a grandmother for a grandchild. I do, but it's not good for me to force Aubrey to do things that she is not ready to face. I'm really sorry for all that has happened between our families, but I don't want it to go on and on. I really do want you to be able to see and do things with Aubrey when you want to. It just needs to be on Aubrey's terms. Thanks again for taking her today. She really had a great time."

Does that sound too soft?? I'm trying so hard to balance everything. Sometimes it sucks being a nice person. LOL

kellbelle at 4:53 p.m.

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