2003-03-27

Am I so bad?

I know it is oh so wrong, but I miss D really bad. He slept with someone else... and that should be enough for me to really not like him for a very long time, but truth be told, he's the first guy that ever cheated that I still really love. When it has happened before... I was able to walk away with some semblance of dignity and lost all interest in them. Is it because I wasn't really in love before? Is it because D was always the emotional and physical rock for me when my life was falling around my ears? That he was/is the best lover I've ever had in my life? Not that I compare every guy I go out with to him, but I always seem to come back around to him and how great things were when we were together. Admittedly we weren't together all that much... but for three years.. we have and did talk nearly every day. My girlfriends tell me I just need time to get over him. And I do know that I put up with some crap, but isn't that what love is? Isn't love the good mixed in with the bad? I still love him, I still miss him like crazy, I still can't imagine my life without him involved in it some way or another. Maybe I'm just pathetic and not deserving to be loved and that's why I can't find anyone... or maybe I've already found him.

kellbelle at 11:54 a.m.

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