2003-10-02

In A Funk

Only a few more days left on the medicine. Feeling a lot better, but still coughing a bit and the decongestant leaves me feeling light headed. I have finally started sleeping through the night though, so that's good.

Been feeling a little low lately. Not sure if it's all the medication I'm on or if it's because my period or if it's just because I'm depressed. I'm fine all day at work because I'm busy and everyone is always laughing and carrying on even when I don't participate. So the environment is pretty positive there. But on the drive home, little things seem to set me off and I start to feel all insecure.

I get really tired of missing Doug. It's been 3 1/2 years now... I shouldn't have to miss him. Some days I'm not sure quite how to cope. I was doing well until the visit, but it had been a year since we saw each other, so I was accustomed to him not being around. But seeing him for such a short time was like someone holding up something I wanted and then pulling it away... like "See this? Well you can't have it!" Not fair.

Aubrey wrote him an email. Told him she really misses him and wants to see him soon. Then she said "My mom loves you, do you love her too?" hehe My little caretaker she is. He wrote back "I love you both sweetie." She smiled and hugged me and went out the door to get in the car for school. Simple pleasures. If she can be happy with that I should be too, right? Afterall, I'm lucky to have anyone at all let alone someone 1,100 miles away.

Okay.. back to work. The day is almost done but not quite.

kellbelle at 3:00 p.m.

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