2004-01-12

Busy Morning

Having a busy day today, and frankly I'm glad. I prefer to be busy instead of sitting on my butt looking for things to do. I was thinking today on the way to work that this is the best my life has ever been. I don't say that lightly. I can't remember the last time I was ever this satisfied with my personal life, my work life... my life in general. The last time was probably the summer I spent on Mackinac Island when I graduated high school.

Don't get me wrong, I've had personal happiness before... weddings, the birth of my daughter, good jobs... but it seems like my life was never in balance before. I would have happiness at home but not at work.... happiness at work but not at home. Now it seems that I'm all balanced out and it feels really good. It's all about balance.

Doug has been trying to email with me here at work. I have kept it short, but tried not to be too chatty. Carl said something this weekend that really made me think about continuing to talk to Doug. He said my name is so close to Shelby (a girl he really was crazy about) and he is terrified that he might say her name instead of mine. I began to wonder how I would feel if I knew he were still talking to her, or that if she came around again he might consider seeing her. It would bother me. So I'm not making any measures to continue staying in touch with Doug.

That's really hard for me. I have a hard time letting go and have always considered it a gift that I was able to stay in touch with people from the past. But I guess I'm in a lesson of letting go.

I read that Diana has been short with Chou Chou. Diana isn't talking to me either. I was supposed to meet up with her when she was in town for NYE, but she didn't call me or give me directions until the night before and then she didn't call me at home, she called and left them on my cell phone which, on the weekends, I don't pay much attention to because I'm at home. LOL My attempts to make up have been ignored and I thing that Chou Chou is right in stating that Diana is tragically single and no longer able to connect with me or Chou Chou because we are in committed relationships where children are involved. Diana likes to think that she is 'grown up' because she cares for her sister and little brother, but in reality, she's a party girl and lives her life to see and be seen. When I was younger yes that was a lot of fun, but having children changes your life forever in ways you never thought you would change. Some in ways you don't like (you become your mother) and in ways that you would never change for all the world (having someone call you mom). When Carl says he loves to see me with my daughter, that is the best thing anyone could ever say to me. It's who I am now.

kellbelle at 10:20 a.m.

previous | next