2004-07-01

Surprise EMail

I have been doing really well for a long time. I've chatted to the Canadian a few times since I last told him that I was seeing Carl. I think of him (the Canadian) from time to time and wonder how he is, and yes, sometimes I miss him. But I haven't really cried over him in a long time. So why did I cry today when he sent me this email?

Sent: Thursday, July 01, 2004 4:31 PM

Subject: :)

Things change but never forget the happy times in your past, and you are one of my happy things that I will never forget

Doug xoxo

It really made me downright sad. I know that I will never allow him back in my life the way he once was. Yet he seems to try now. He never really tried before. I will always love the guy, but he just can't love me the way I needed him to. Not just because he's not capable, but because Carl loves me the way I need to be loved. He loves me as much as I love him. That's all I ever asked for and I finally found it. I"m not going to let that go. I just feel really bittersweet when the Canadian says these things now. Now when it's way too late to mean much of anything. I guess that's what really makes me sad.

kellbelle at 5:31 p.m.

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