2005-05-05

Tough Love... the woman who loves too much

I am suddenly sad. I couldn't for the life of me tell you why. Everyone has their story whether they choose to tell you about it or not. Despite outward appearances, sometimes even people that seem to have good lives can suffer from things they are ashamed to tell others about. Sometimes I beat myself up for things that no longer matter to anyone but myself. Sometimes I just really hurt for other people. I feel too much. I don't watch the news because often times I cry when I see certain kinds of stories (like the one I posted earlier today). And sometimes I feel really helpless and feel like I have nothing worthwhile to offer anyone... friends, family, the world. Despite a happy exterior persona I still suffer from despression. Sometimes my meds are just working better than at other times. Sometimes I'm just more in my "right mind" than other times. And sometimes I just let people get to me too much. I have been told that I can seem "cold" and often offer too much "tough love". To me I just feel it's "sensible" words I offer and despite the lack of feeling these words seem to have to the receiver, I often fret a lot and think very hard before I say things. I choose my words carefully. I feel the love in my words. Often times they don't. Yeah, I'm all about the tough love because inside I'm just a big gloppy blob of emotion. I just want to be loved the way I love people. That's hard to find. I love too much I guess.

kellbelle at 5:33 p.m.

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