2005-06-10
Aubrey's Home
We went to talk to the counselor this morning and she really helped me put my head in order before talking to Aubrey. We had some lunch and then headed over to pick her up. She was still inside, so I talked to Jana a bit and she said that Aubrey had a great time at camp and told me that on Wednesday night (the night he shot himself) that the preacher had talked about suicide. I guess that the Lord was looking out for her and she was where she needed to be when this happened. She got an understanding for what happens when people are really sad or feeling scared.
We talked all about camp in the car on the way home. She brought up her dad a few times saying she was worried about him and his job and I had to fight not to cry. She fell asleep after a while.
The closer we got to home, the sicker I began to feel and when we got to the apartment I had to run inside and be sick. Of course Aubrey was worried if I was okay. We all sat down on the bed and I told her how much we loved her and that I had something really hard I had to tell her. I told her that while she was at camp her dad died. She cried for a while and then asked me how he died. The counselor said to be direct but not to provide too much information, so I said that he shot himself with a gun. She cried a little harder and asked me where (meaning on his body) he had done it, and thankfully, I didn't have an answer to that one because I don't know. You and I can speculate where, but I did not want to put that image in her mind. She cried a little more and said she was okay and wanted a shower.
After her shower she cried a little more and wanted to call Jana (my friend and her best friend's mom). Jana prayed with her on the phone and she was so much better after that. Carl and I went to take a nap and she just came in a minute ago to ask me again about her dad. Then she said she was bored! lol
Kids are so amazing. She seems to be doing okay and I know she will have her ups and downs, as will I. Thank ALL of you for all the thoughts and prayers and words of love and kindness. They mean so much.
The visitation is tomorrow night from 6:00 to 8:00 pm and then the funeral is on Sunday afternoon at 3:00 pm. Keep the prayers coming... it's a long and constantly changing road.
kellbelle at 4:43 p.m.
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