2005-06-12

The Funeral

We just got home from the weekend. What a mess. The timing belt broke on my car on our way to Carl's mom's place on the lake. This meant that we had to miss the visitation, so everything worked out in that regard.

We made it to the funeral fine today. It was an open casket service, but we sat off to the side and they moved some plants so Aubrey couldn't see her dad. I was glad, because he did not look at all like himself. He was very swollen and did not look very peaceful to me, but maybe that's just my perception.

She really let loose during the service, which I was glad she did. I knew she had been holding back. I had her move to my lap and I just rocked her and cried with her. She sobbed long and hard and I think seeing her made people cry even harder.

The preacher said some really nice things, some of them very funny. He talked about the good things... how he made great sweet tea, how he taught Aubrey piano when she would visit him, how he liked to travel and take pictures. And then I was floored as the preacher said "and he wrote songs for Kelly to tell her how he felt about her." I about died right there. I never knew he wrote songs for me. The man never told me how he felt about me. I was there sobbing right along with my little girl. I think that's what I had been dreading. Hearing that he loved me... when all the years we were married he never told me. That was so hard.

We moved from the funeral to the graveside service and that was really nice, as well. I let Aubrey sit with the family under the tent and Carl and I stood off to one side. After it was finished, all the people from Gary's office came up to me and hugged me and told me what a great guy he was. This was the first time anyone (other than Gary's mom, sister and brother) ever even said anything to me. It really moved me. They told me that Gary cared a lot for me and still talked about me and that he was happy I was getting married, that he really liked Carl... it's funny how those nice things were so hard to hear.

I'm so totally exhausted, and I still have yet to deal with my car. It's going to cost about $1,000 to do the repair. I'm off work on Monday and Tuesday, I have no car anyway, so I may as well take the days.

I want to thank every one of you for all your words of encouragement, love and support. They continue to amaze and help me so much. You guys are the best.

I will go into a few more details tomorrow, I'm just so totally exhausted.

kellbelle at 9:31 p.m.

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