2006-05-30
On the other side of something
I had my massage today and, as usual, Judy went way over time. She only charges $65 an hour, but I always get at least an hour and half and sometimes two hours for that $65. It is WELL worth it. And we always have really great talks about life and spirituality, movies and books and just general things.
Today was no different. We somehow got to talking about being emotional beings (the two of us) and she asked me if I'd had a really good cry lately. Yes, I've cried, but not that kind of soul emptying that she and I had been talking about. It hit me that I haven't needed to cry like that in a very long time. And it's scary to think that once upon a time that kind of crying was "normal" to me. I remember it as feeling "bottom of the barrel" calling out in despair. She stopped massaging me and said "Well, perhaps you're on the other side of something now... you don't need that." How right she is. I no longer feel that despair and loneliness and even when I'm worried or sad, I know that I have a deeper hope in things now. Whether that is because of my husband, or the faith I have in his love for me... or whether I really am on the other side of something, I'm grateful that I can go this far and look back and see it all finally behind me. To see that suddenly (because that's how the realization felt today) that I'm no longer in that tunnel looking for the light at the end. I'm living connected and it's a great place to be.
I'm connected with a man who loves me despite me being the whiney, most self-absorbed, complainy pregnant woman on earth. Everything that I have done since I met Carl has fallen wonderfully into place and worked out just as it should. And when things happen like that... life is simple and easy to enjoy and there is little to feel hopeless about. Even the timing of this baby couldn't be better... right at finals week for fall semester. I just need to keep my head and remember that I'm finally on the other side of something.
kellbelle at 9:01 p.m.
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